Stop the complaining.

A friend called me the other day, disappointed, angry and feeling unappreciated. She said; “sometimes it seems like the world is lodging their complaints at me. And when I say the world, I mean, my children.” She’s not alone. I often feel that I too, am a magnet for complaining. We tell ourselves that our children complain to us because they feel they CAN. They know we will love them indefinitely and unconditionally. And that logic makes us feel better temporarily.

What happens when we have a day in which everything is meant with a complaint? Everything that we arrange, create, pay for, clean up and line up for our children seems to go unnoticed while each request to take out the trash, do homework or take a shower is meant with a litany of complaints?

As my friend and I continued complaining to each other about this complaining, we also resolved to try something new. What would happen if we changed our reactions slightly? We know that anytime e change our behavior in a relationship, the other person’s behavior will change also. Relationships are like a dance. If you step this way, your partner will match those steps.

So we thought we would experiment with detaching from the complaints. We decided that the complaining had absolutely nothing to do with us. The children are complaining. That is no different from the children being hungry, tired, funny, loving or happy. It is a state of being. We make it mean something be reacting.

When your children complain, try listening as if you don’t have to fix it and you don’t have to change it. You have made a decision and your child is not happy. That is ok as long as they follow your rules. They are allowed to be unhappy and complain. Or, if you don’t want to listen, you can just let them know (calmly) that it is fine to complain, but they need to do it someplace else. Complaining becomes a habit in children and adults. Let’s stop the complaining.